Friday, December 31, 2004

What the Duckling?

Allright, I realize that by now the top 5 thing seems pretty pathetic, but I, too, have been beating the dead horse of top 5 (see also kevin and myles) huh. Well, what'm I to do in a world that seems bent on track replay? For those of lesser fidelity....

Top 5 Best Breakup Songs
Honorable mention: Wishful Thinking by Wilco.
5. The Middle -- Jimmy Eat World. Cheese? maybe not.

4. Nothing Better -- Postal Service. Maybe this list is also a timeline of dealing with this loss. I don't feel this way so much anymore.

3. Time Will Do the Talking -- Patty Griffin. Kevin, I think I must agree with your high view of this album, but I really don't think I should wake up to it anymore, it gets kinda depressing. But it sure is nice to feel okay about not being okay. "Time will do the talking/years will do the walking/I'll just find a comfy spot and wait it out/Time will do the talking/years will do the walking/Time will tell you baby what you can't hear now"

2.5. Moses -- Patty Griffin again. I now cherish the woman's entire catalogue.

2. Song for the Dumped -- Ben Folds. Anger, a necessary evil at times, and he, too, likes to take it out on his piano. Thankfully, I have no missing articles of clothing.

1. I Still Miss Someone -- Johnny Cash. Well... if it hadn't hurt him, we just wouldn't think old Johnny was human now, would we?

Top 5 Beers because it seems I must and because that's about how many I've had this year and I don't care if it sounds girly so there
5. Sam Adams -- coffee shop/bar w/good company when things were nice (rated 5th for company not for beer; beer is ... um, third)

4. Rolling Rock Light -- w/amy on the couch watching csi (so this one's actually 5th)

3. Strawberry Blonde Ale -- didn't think I was going to like fruity but I was wrong (4th)

2. Shiner Bock -- it's from Texas, y'all (this one's just where it should be)

1. Blue Moon w/orange -- with the Bobs: Bobbie and Robert on their too short visit to Tatown

Top 5 Things I've Learned from Blogging
5. I have needed more reasons to stay up later than my cat, who usually falls asleep right on the keyboard.

4. Post a deeply traumatic experience, and friends will read, not comment, and pray for my soul.

3. Post that I am in fact a powerful yet conniving philanderer and they will comment in droves. Not only that, but they will eagerly offer up the name of the awful person that their slowly-cracking psyche resembles as well.

2. No matter how much it is purged into the written word, pain remains a solitary struggle.

1. I am deeply thankful for my friends who are close in proximity and for those who are close via Webster's newest addition, the blog.

Top 5 Comments from This Blog
(at the risk of being a naval-gazer)
5. cade on his personality test: "5 investigator. ya know as i was taking this thing i just kept thinking, "what a crocka shit"then i finished it and read it and the thought sort of materialized before me and then i was quite sure that like, yeah dude, sweet."

4. myles on my anger quote: "can i use that as a line in a song? it's up there with the line i thought of today: 'i feel as useless as a kneecap in an elbow factory.'" i can't wait to hear that song, myles.

3. natalie correcting my emotional, well-meaning, yet dead-wrong diagnosis of her husband Jeremy: "ok so, he has MS that would be Multiple Sclerosis. That is kind of different from MD mostly Jerry doesn't overwhelm a whole TV channel for us MSers each year." oh the embarrassment. please make it stop.

2. sean on the barbie saga: "Just tilt back your head, open your mouth, and laugh loudly and laugh obnoxiously. Like I am doing." thanks for just laughing, sean.

1. natalie on dying to pain: "when I was a little girl we had a dog. My ma and pa would have my sister and I shovel the dog crap into this one place in the backyard. Over the years that dog shit alot and the place in the back of the yard was full of dog shit. Now looking back I don't know why we just didn't throw the shit out with the trash. Anyway at least it was away from everywhere. I wish that I could find a place to put the shit that can sometimes start to take over my life. Hang in there pretty, maybe we can find a place to put our shit. If not out with the trash at least we could help each other put it toward the back of the yard." when reading this blog outloud to the younger generations, please insert "bleep" at the vocal pitch of your choosing whenever you see the word trash.

Top 5 Books I Have Yet to Read
5. Moby Dick, Herman Melville. I have similar feelings about reading this book and joining the army: probably a really good idea, but I just don't see myself making it past Chapter 1.

4. Catch 22, Joseph Heller and/or Emmitt Smith. Being a fan of runon sentences but also of the Dallas Cowboys I just don't see how I could choose but then why would one really need to choose except that it just doesn't seem right to give each their separate number while the heller's been on my shelf for two maybe three years that was before the rhino invaded my closet...

3. The Grim Grotto: Book 11, Lemony Snicket. Because I just can't seem to finish Book 3. Unfortunately, the series has gotten very long.

2. How to Keep Your Feline From Swatting Packing Peanuts Down the Air Vent. Because the pile has almost made it back up to the vent grate.

1. Better Homes & Gardens Garden Encyclopedia. My tomato plants were my proof this fall of my neglect at multiple levels. Surely no one is serious when they speak of going back to the simpler life.

And there you have it. My Top 5 Top 5. Feel free to challenge me, reform me, help me, investigate me, bring peace to my life, or create your own individualistic lists, as the numbers have fated (or just drink alot of coffee while overeating). Happy new year.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004


Ok, this is where the "feeling shame when I am not perfect" kicks in.

Bill Clinton, really?

Thursday, December 23, 2004

And if that weren't enough....

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Very Brady Christmas

For you, it's all about sharing times with family.
Even if you all get a bit cheesy at times.

Dum Du-Du Dum, Behold My Number

i always thought there was something special about me... i'm number 1!

You Are the Reformer


You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong.

High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them.

You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect.

You have the highest integrity, and people expect you to be fair.

Saturday, December 18, 2004


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, your last minute shopping woes are over. Just in time for Christmas, we are proud to offer the Muu Muu Crucifix. Guaranteed to ward off all dirt devils and blood-sucking dust bunnies in your home. Protect your children today. Order now and we'll throw in the Blender-O-Redemption and dust your Muu Muu with Holy Cat Hair for free. Call now.

"That's just not funny."

Vera never made it to Judy's dinner party. They found her mutilated body in her living room the next morning.

"Who do you think it was, Pete?"

"A dust bunny. Those devils."

Don't make the same mistake Vera did. Call today.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Why do I let anger lick my wounds and look up at me with big puppy-dog eyes?

Monday, December 13, 2004

Desperate Tunnel Drives

I've only seen the hit show once, back in the very beginning, three weeks ago. But I love Kidd Kraddick and Kelly Raspberry, and I guess Monday mornings are their regular time for the Desperate Housewives update. Kelly begins to explain in detail the plot and subplots of last night's episode. "Gabrielle was playing footsies with the gardener who is in high school... the mom of the high school gardener, with whom Gabrielle is having an affair, finds out about the affair and mistakenly thinks it's Susan... She confronts Susan by ripping her designer dress apart right before she's about to walk out onto the runway of the benefit fashion show..."

"Good lord!" I'm thinking. "How do people put up with this crap?"

"But then Susan decides that she's gonna weoiuo seiru er iudireu fsuiodr eirus ehs ...." I had just hit the tunnel on Central.

"This station's worse than AM radio! What do you mean you can't get it in the tunnel!" as I hit the gas to a break-neck 48 mph around the tunnel curve.

".... awwijj eriu df wer weriweuo to Gabrielle instead."

"Ah, crap."

Thursday, December 09, 2004


Me & Nat

"To be a witness does not consist in engaging in propoganda, nor even in stirring people up, but in being a living mystery. It means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God did not exist." --Emmanuel, Cardinal Suhard

My friend Natalie is a living mystery. She has a beautiful four-year-old daughter Anya who was born three months prematurely and is developmentally disabled. She breathed through a trach for a good part of three years and had her trach hole sewn up this past year. (Anya is really excited that this means she can swim more!) Natalie and her husband Jeremy still feed her through a feeding tube in her stomach. They have never heard their daughter speak to them. Within just a couple years of Anya's birth, Jeremy was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. A few months ago, Natalie and Jeremy had a miscarriage.

I have not told you these things to make you feel sorry for them. They wouldn't want you to. When we were deciding where to go for lunch yesterday, Natalie mentioned that the manager at the local Chipotle likes to give her free burritos. "Let's go there!" I said. "Nah. I don't like it when people give me stuff like that." But rarely have I met a friend with as much compassion as Natalie. (Except for yesterday when she didn't let me get a free burrito.) When I'm wrestling with pain, she feels it, too. She cries with me.

I like her. I like her alot. I like the jealousy with which she guards her regular dates with her "boyfriend" and the way her eyes light up when she talks about him. I like her perfect whip on a Strawberries and Creme Frappuccino Blended Beverage. I like the way she makes fun of me when I'm being anal. I like that she got out of bed at 10 pm thanksgiving weekend just to come play dominoes and meet my family (and that she plays a lousy game of dominoes). I like her fuzzy purple couch and her foil-covered dresser. I like that she draws me into her life. She lets me ask questions of her and get real answers. She's teaching me that pain doesn't make sense. But you can walk on.

I just like my friend Natalie. She is a living mystery, and I know of Christ's love a little bit better because of her.

(How 'bout that free burrito?)